The Travelers

On By The VoiceIn Fantasy, Flash Fiction, Friday Fictioneers, Short Story
PHOTO PROMPT © Kent Bonham
PHOTO PROMPT © Kent Bonham

The children rushed into the grassy circle and tossed the ancient book onto the stone table. Wide-eyed, Jenny glanced over her shoulder.

“Hurry Ethan, they’re coming!” she cried.

“I know!” gasped Ethan.

He cracked open the thick, leather bound book and flipped frantically through the pages.

Only yards away, trees crashed. The Trollz were almost upon them.

“Here!” yelled Ethan, staring at the rune covered page. “Say the incantation.”

“Anarathrack Don Dubrellus!” intoned Jenny.

A blue glow emanated from the pages and grew to a bright azure bubble, encapsulating the children. They vanished just as the Trollz reached the clearing.

Arriving back in Mr. Samuels garden, Jenny and Ethan collapsed.

That was the closest we’ve come to getting caught yet,” said Ethan, clutching the Book of Travels.

[This is my entry into this weeks Friday Fictioneers challenge hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields. Use the photo prompt to create a short story in 100 words or less. This was more of a vignette of a larger story that I’ve been considering writing. Let me know if it captured your attention enough for me to continue.]

~V

54 thoughts on “The Travelers”

    1. Thanks Rochelle. Yeah, Narnia and The Spiderwick Chronicles were both on my mind when I wrote this. I’m tossing some ideas around to see if I could come up with something that isn’t just a rip off of those works.

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  4. IfeomaO

    Read to me more like the movie Jumper, but the book adds a twist with what it’s personal limitations could be…keep at it and you’re bound to arrive at something unique to you. 🙂

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  17. Thom Carswell

    A solid piece of teenage fantasy fiction which would definitely be worth exploring further. The use of the word ‘Trollz’ was very clever – we instantly get an idea of what the adversaries look like without needing any description, yet because of the spelling you also create a whole new species unique to your story.

    I hope you won’t mind a bit of constructive criticism. Personally I found the use of “cried”, “gasped”, “yelled” and “intoned” in close proximity to be a bit distracting. I felt the urgency came across so strongly in your writing that I could guess how the characters were speaking without needing these descriptions. I think Stephen King wrote in his book ‘On Writing’ that sometimes just sticking with “said” can more effective. Maybe it was just too many variations for such a short piece or maybe it’s only me who feels this way. Either way I thought I should let you know. I hope that’s OK!

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    2. Thanks Thom. Excellent feedback. I agree with your assessment about the verbs. I do tend to use them a bit more liberally than I should. And yes, King said exactly that (as have several instructors who have critiqued my work…lol). I’ll keep that in mind going forward as I have a tendency to fall back into some bad habits (cliches tend to creep into my work a lot as well.) Please feel free to give me more critique. It is most welcome.

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    1. Thank you. I think I might approach this story as you mentioned, in smaller installments. That might make it easier than tackling a huge story all at once. I’m glad you liked it.

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