Continuing Conversations With a Cat (4)

Never argue with a cat. You can't win.
Never argue with a cat. You can’t win.


The loud noise startled me and I jumped up from my desk and ran into the living room. Autumn was standing on a shelf and a large picture frame was on the floor.

“Autumn!” I yelled, “why did you knock down that picture?”

“It’s not my fault,” she sniffed. “It was in my way. These things wouldn’t keep falling if you’d stop putting them up here. How do you expect me to walk around when you keep placing obstacles all over?”

Autumn, you aren’t supposed to be walking up there,” I said angrily.

“Of course I’m supposed to walk up here,” she said incredulously. “Why would you place a shelf on the wall if you didn’t want cats to walk on it?”

“The shelf is for holding up objects,” I said, bending down to pick up the fallen picture. Fortunately it was not broken. “The shelf is not for cats to walk on!”

“That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard,” she replied. “Why would you place objects on a shelf unless… Oh, I get it. It’s a challenge!” Her eyes lit up.

“You WANT to see how many things we can knock down. That’s why you put them up here. Oh, you are clever!” she exclaimed.

“No, I’m not clever,” I said. “I mean, yes, I’m clever but that’s not why… I mean, wait… no.” I was getting confused. This happens sometimes when one frequently converses with cats.

“Is it a game?” she asked. “Oh, I bet it’s a game. I love games. This should be fun!” With that she took off along the shelf batting everything in her sight to the floor.

“Autumn, stop!” I yelled. “It’s not a game. Stop knocking all of those things off the shelf!”

“Wheeee!” she cried, pouncing from my shelf to the top of a cabinet where more “obstacles” sat. I chased after her to try to grab her and pull her down. Needless to say, I’m not as fast or as dexterous as a cat.

“You can’t catch me!” she squealed playfully. “This is a fun game. We should do this every day.”

She jumped down from the cabinet and raced into my room. I was still picking up fallen articles from the floor (nothing broken thanks to the blessing of carpeting) when I heard thumps and crashes followed by her voice:

“Ooo… Let’s see what I can fling out of your sock and underwear drawer!”

I have no idea how she manages to even get the drawer of my dresser open, but she’s quite adept. I raced into my bedroom.

“Autumn, stop this right now or you’ll get no food tonight,” I cried in desperation.

“That’s not a very nice part of this game,” she said, her spirits diminishing.

“It’s not a game,” I said exasperated. “You have to stop this. No more knocking things down. Stay off the shelves and,” grabbing a pair of socks from her paws “stay out of my dresser drawers!”

She jumped to the floor and walked out of my room. As she left I heard her mutter, “You’d make a terrible cat. You just don’t know how to have fun.”

As I closed my dresser drawer I heard her say from the living room, “Hey Peanut, wanna play ‘Race Around the House Really Fast for No Reason?'”

She’s right I suppose. I’d make a terrible cat. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.



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