More Conversations With a Cat

Never argue with a cat. You can't win.
Never argue with a cat. You can’t win.

I was working on my laptop when Autumn walked in. “Why do you sit there staring at that window?” she asked.

“I’m working on some things,” I replied.

“But you’re just sitting there,” she said. “How are you working?”

“I’m writing,” I said, not really wanting to explain.

“Are you staring at birds?” she asked. “I stare at birds out of my window thing. It’s a lot bigger than your window thing. Are you staring at birds?”

“No Autumn, I’m not staring at birds,” I replied, becoming slightly annoyed.

“So there are no birds in there?” she asked, obviously becoming confused.

“Well… There could be, I suppose,” I said slowly. “I could look at birds if I wanted to.”

“Then why aren’t you staring at birds?” she asked.

“Why don’t you go stare at some birds out of your window?” I asked, trying to sound pleasant.

“I want to chase those birds, but I can’t get through the clear thing.” she said sadly. Then she looked at me and the size of my laptop and said, “You’re too big to get through your window. You should be smaller, like me.”

“Listen, I really have to get back to work, ok?” I said pleadingly.

“I notice you have a lot of things on your big box,” she said observantly.

“My big box? Oh, my desk, you mean,” I said, finally comprehending her meaning. “Yeah well, I use those things.”

“No you don’t. I’ve never once seen you knock them down and play with them. Would you like my help? I’m good at knocking things down.” she said smiling.

“Yes,” I said. “I know you’re good at knocking things down. You practice daily. But I don’t need you to do that.”

Autumn jumped up on my desk and began pawing at my calculator.

“Here, I can knock this down for you. Then you can play with it,” she said as she shoved the calculator towards the edge of my desk. I grabbed it from her just in time.

“No, please,” I begged her. “I don’t need your help. I don’t want to play with this on the floor.”

She looked at me and cocked her head to one side. “You’re not very good at being a cat,” she said.

“I’m not a cat!” I said a bit louder than normal.

“I’ll say,” she said, shaking her head.

“Look Autumn, I’m not a cat. I’ve never been a cat. I don’t want to be a cat!”

She jumped down from my desktop and walked to the door. She turned and looked at me. “You say the silliest things.” With that she flicked her tail and sashayed out the door.

I sat in silence for a moment after she left. My eyes wandered to the calculator sitting idly by my laptop. With a quick swish of my hand, I knocked it to the floor and stared at it blankly. The calculator just sat there. Finally I groaned and picked it up and set it back on my desk.

“I hate cats,” I said miserably.


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